Unfinshed Business?

Although I am so over Rob and my past with him. The one question that ways on my mind in times of boredom or deep thought is why?
Ive moved on with my life, trying to meet people, slowly living a different life, a life more suited to myself as opposed to the misery of the last couple of years...
Funny that I'm not as lonely as I thought I would be, maybe its my attitude, or the fact that the deep disgust and hatred I have for Rob has assisted me in moving on.
Out with a friend a few weeks back, he told me "I didn't deserve any of that shit, and that you(me) deserved better" - I completely agree with him and maybe that's helped me. I have no desire to be close to anyone, which could be due to not wanting to get hurt. I don't miss the closeness I thought I had with Rob at all...cuz even when he was around, I felt alone, alien-like..I don't feel like that today.
So the question there in lies...Why would I put up with or suffer it out like I did. Even before Robs confession of screwing around on me, I knew it had happened countless times...Was it routine? Was it fear of moving on and the unknown?
Better still, why would Rob continue to be with me. At this point his words of "I love you" I chalk up to being, bullshit. He doesn't know what love is, doesn't know how to show love, in many ways, including physical love, as he was horrible that way, like no other man I have ever known.
What was going though his mind while he was telling me he loved me, missed me or whatever crap he spewed from his vile mouth? How long did he think he could play these games with me? Was his intention, to find someone and then move out of the picture himself? Cling on to me until the next fool? Ive sad it a million times before that I hope for him, a life of misery and loneliness.
The "friendship" we had was all an illusion. Every one would say, "sure franco, your "ex-boyfriend" who still hangs out with you 24/7"...etc...
We were still a couple in way too many ways. I strongly would say things like, "my apt", "my" this that or the other thing..but it fell on deaf ears and yet he hung around, or better yet, used me, my apt, anything he could, to coast thru til the next "adventure" of his life...
I wonder how things would be today, had I not found out all the trashy things hes done and continues to do.
I wonder if we were still "friends" and I told him I saw him on Cam4, how he would go about denying that. Seeing him live on the Internet, jerking off in front of the world would be a hard one to get out of. I would have loved to hear that excuse.
Id like, would have liked to have been in his head to see what he would be thinking...What he would say.
At this point though, Rob is a distant memory. Again nothing good about Rob is ever uttered. I still, when I leave the tube stn, which is by his work, look for him, not because I want to see him, rather to see how I would react. Though it wouldn't be in Robs best interest to be in the same vicinity as myself. I told my friend, while sitting on a a patio a little while back, "I wonder if Ill see my ex" - That's definitely something that should not happen, unfortunately that is not under my control, so again, I wonder how I would react. I know that there would be no tears as I cry if I feel sad or really happy, and sadness is not an emotion I feel towards Rob or our history. Even the love, completely gone. Funny how when you wake up and really see the big picture, the real picture, how "love" can be turned off or merge into some other feeling.
He would say to me he, "never wanted to break up" - well how would expect me to carry on a relationship, being the whore that he has been and still is? I dont understand his mentality, but that again is due to his living in this bubble hes created for himself. Rob can do no wrong? Thats all he had done, all wrong, from day one pretty much...yet he never wanted to break up, why? Cuz I was blind to his tricks? Cuz he had gotten away, or so he thought, with his shenenigans?
"...you're like so many of those boys i've known, You break your promise easily..." That was how Rob was with me...You lie you lie, you lie -