The beginning....

Years ago as a young gay adult male of 18, out on my own for the first time, I was curious as to how I would go about meeting other gay men. Having grown up in sheltered Italian household, the word "gay" was never mentioned.
Obviously when I first moved out and had total freedom I was desperate to meet new people, new men my age.
Heading into downtown Toronto, where I saw Xtra magazine, Now Magazine and such I saw numbers to call, chat lines.
I dabbled..the first time I spoke to another gay guy was crazy, to me, again having grown up as I did. We got on well, his alias was, "Todd", I still remember how sexy he sounded. That could have been cause he was the first, real gay man I was getting to know.
Todd and I never met, it was just chit chat on the phone to quell boredom late at night.
I had a few other odd encounters over the phone and eventually in person.
None of which would become real friends til I met, Grant.
I dont recall how or why Grant and I got on so well, but we did.
Through Grant I went to my very first gay bar in Toronto, Club Colbys.
Colbys could be trashy at times(couldnt they all)..but it was my introduction to the gay ways of clubbing and dancing the night away. At the same time it was an introduction to some of the seedier parts of gay life and ill get more into that in future entries.
Shortly after meeting Grant, I met Neil.
Grant and I were clubbing buddies, there was no romance between the 2 of us.
Neil on the other hand, liked me, which was strange to me at that time.
I remember wakingup one morning, after a n ight of clubbing with Grant, Neil and a few others. Neil was knockin at my door at some ungodly hour(at that time).
I couldnt understand what he was doin at my apartment? It threw me off, so I quickly dressed and let him in...He just wanted to come over and spend time with me, to come see me.
For the first time in my life, I felt this warm fuzzy feeling come over me.
Him holding my hand was so surreal. I was thinking, "I think he likes me"???
He did. Neil and I carried on a brief romance for a few months. We were kids of 19/20years of age, call it "queer puppy love" - Though it was my introduction into gay relationships, it was probably the highlight of my younger years. To this day I hold Neil dear and close to my heart. I had a chance to meet up with Neil about 5, 6 years back. I found him somehow through the internet or the whitepages, I dont recall. I do remember sitting watching TV and Oleta Adams was playing.
Neil and I used to say that "Get Here" by Oleta Adams, was "our song" - cute and sickening at the same time. Regardless, that prompted me to get in contact and I did.
I think I fell in love with Neil very quickly. He was beautiful, and so much fun. I can still see him smiling back at me, waiting at my door. Talking about big plans for our future, though it was a May December romance, at the time we thought it could last forever.
Having my heart broken by Neil was traumatic. My first love had gone.
We remained friends and to this day, if Neil were to call at 3am needed anything I would be there for him.
When I met up with Neil a few years back, he gave me the news that he was HIV positive. It was sad initially but hey, he was still looking good and enjoying life. He had the right attitude. I dont know where Neil is today. Im hoping he is well and continuing to enjoy life. I will try looking for him again as I said, I still hold him dear and near to my heart.
The good times I had with Neil and our "clique" in those days will live on in my memory forever. Not wanting to forget any of it, as they truely were good times.