Single Encouragement -

As I sit here feeling like ass, down with the flu -
Its given me countless hours where my mind has wandered...and wandered etc...
Now firstly before I go on, the blog was re-organized with certain info deleted/altered, but only what had to be, the rest, of my history is as it was, just re-done today - no threats ever worry me and I welcome the challenge, anytime!
Moving on...Over the last 2 months or so, on my own, Ive been forced to take certain matters into my own hands, literally. At the same time, certain peeps believe this is a "journal of revenge" which its not. Its my tales of my past, unfortunately a big part of my past included Rob so should he look at this, Deal with it! -
Moving on...Again, Ive been forced to take care of myself, by myself, put myself out there, do things for myself, which as the weeks go on, I can say, I'm proud of myself.
At the same time I have to say that I've done it alone and with honest friends - No lying lover. Ive managed to get on my regime of health and fitness, Francos "regime of health and fitness" - While with Rob, he was the worst influence in that sense or means of support. I have to say I was horrible in the smoking dept cuz I love it so much BUT when it came to health and well being, I had Rob to thank for the many times I fell off the wagon. Pizza and fries and foods that go against my "new way of living" - Granted I never had to give in, but when Rob was scarfing down pizza and I was sitting eating a salad, it was very easy to grab a few, a few more and a few more..
I recall one January, after the holidays, I put myself on a strict regime - 3 weeks into it and after all the hard work I was putting into losing weight and trying to make myself look different, I hadn't lost an ounce and lost it. Balling and sobbing that I was really trying hard. Though I'm not sure what mirror Rob looked in, he too was gaining weight, as we all do, in the most unflattering parts of the body.
For whatever reason I'm able to say Ive gained weight, I need to lose weight, etc -
Rob on the other hand, thought otherwise, of both himself and me.
I would make cracks, though serious at the same time about certain "imperfections" that could be rectified with the right work, yet he took it as in insult?
I would have been more than happy for him to tell me Ive put on weight, because I knew when I did. He on the other hand, again, thinks hes invincible and these things don't happen to him? I question his being a "human being" and this is just another reason I questioned it again. I've learned that the only person to encourage me, is just that me. As the person who supposedly encouraging me, was more dis-honest that I thought - I believe he called this love - ;)