The Roller Coaster Began - It Lasted 15 Years

In the beginning with Rob, we used to hang out at a cafe near the village,Chez Cap.
I remember sitting there with Rob, he was totally aware of my feelings for him and if anything I stroked his fragile ego. Many was the time we would be enjoying a latte and he would say to me "oh god, I slept with that guy" - Hearing those words was so painful for me, each and every time. I didnt know what was wrong with me? I know Im not attractive, I wasnt what the guys wanted. I wore make up and was louder than those I hung out with, but then again I never put a gun to peoples heads to hang out with me, yet they did. I understand im a different character and thats what may be the attraction towards me...???
Hearing those words would infuriate me as I thought it was just insensitive towards me. Youre sitting with a guy who tells you he has strong feelings, and all he had to tell me was about the slags that walked in and out of the cafe that he had shagged?
So I must admit, anger got the worst of me and at times I reacted in a bad way. I'd call them, minor crimes of passion:)
I never hurt anyone, except for one time. At this point in my life, after having gone through whatever I have, Id say this re-action was deserved. We(Rob and I) had gone to a "ball" the weekend of gay pride(something I am totally against)like Ive said, Rob knew how I felt about him...any ways he went off and was chatting to others, and left me - when i found him, i told him i was leaving and what not, he came after me, we stormed out together and I grabbed him and punched him in the face. As I wrote that I got a wave of guilt, but thats now passed-
he then stormed off.
I was becoming more and more jealous. After hearing about the countless tales of a string of tricks...just about every guy he knew at that time, the had shagged or blown. So basically, if I think about it he had pretty much had just about most of the guys he hung around with or thought, were cool.
I think hearing all that, making me feel that I wasnt like the others, not good enough, made more and more jealous.
Then the sleeping together bit confused me. Was it because I was just there?
So I was in a confused state.
Many arguements were had, messedup feeling like I was just a toy, Im not!