Freedom of Sorts...

Ive noticed over the months since my split, certain feelings I no longer have.
I'm not talking about love, cuz love and care for Rob went out the window, again once he confessed to being unfaithful. I no longer have feelings, rather Ive noticed that I haven't felt feelings of jealousy or insecurity since. Having met the odd guy here and there, I used to get all silly and ga-ga-ish...not lately.
I wont let anyone into the real world of "Franco". Ive told friends how I don't want anyone in my life now..friends sure, nothing more.
The odd man whose kept me company on the dance floor or at a bar throughout a night of excess has worked out fine for me. Its nice to not have thoughts of people around me being fake or not real. Its something I welcome with open arms. One friend who Ive grown tight with is a real sweet guy. I love him to death in a friendly way and that feeling is reciprocated. Watching out for me, making sure I get out there and making sure I get home in one piece. That's all I want. He jokes that he is my "mentor" and his mission is to make sure I get out. Perfect!
Its also nice not to feel like he just wants to get into my pants cuz its not the case between us. I haven't felt that comfort level with a fag in a long time.
With Rob. I always wondered where he was, who he maybe chatting to, and potentially seeing behind my back when we were together. These last few months, I haven't had to think of that - and that's because the people Ive met, the people in my life are real.
Rob changed my thoughts on people, on queers. Luckily for me, and thanks to some of the new people in my life, I no longer feel that way, or it is slowly changing.
Having faith in people again is a nice feeling. Sure Ive met guys whose only intention is to get in my pants, and they don't get very far. Its nice again to feel attractive and wanted. Its nice to want to get dressed up and feel good about myself.
My social life has taken a total 360 as Ive gone out more in the last 2-3 months than I did in the last couple of years having been with Rob.
It goes back again to the question, why? Why did I stop living or put up with having absolutely no life? Trust me when I say, it was not worth it as in the end I got screwed over and not in a good way. The one person I thought who would see me through my life, Rob, turned out to be the biggest mistake as Ive mentioned in this blog. I resent him for having halted my life, when I thought we were headed down a different avenue. He went through the motions with me, all the while having a different agenda. So many times when I was going to take the plunge and go out with someone new, I didn't. I couldn't.
Now with Rob removed from my life, things are different, things are better. I'm happier. I don't need any ones approval. I don't have to put up with stupidity that was the better half of the last few years. A freedom of sorts I didn't think I would enjoy or even want for that matter. I look back on the earlier part of this year, when things took another turn only to find out things were actually worse between Rob and I. Had I paid better attention to his ways, I would have been in the position I am in now, a long time back. I can't keep thinking that this should have happened a long time back, but again, resent Rob for halting my life for nothing in the end. A bigger waste of my time(Rob)Ive never met. Life is better, Life is good - Flying solo is where should have been a long time back. I deserve it and was worth it all the while. It just took Rob's disrespect towards me to realise that.