Always wondering why?

As the hours, days, weeks pass by, Ive had to ask myself time and time again -
Why....
Unfortunately, "why" spawns way to many question as to..Why.
Most of the time I question Rob, to myself, and then other times, I question my own stupidity.
If I look back at the last 15, 16 even 17 years, everything is different now -
Events and happenings of days gone by all have a different meaning.
The laughs I had in days gone by, feel more like, now, that I had the wool pulled over my eyes.
One of the best experiences in my life was Africa. Its something I think of daily.
I remember Rob saying he wanted to do something of that magnitude, something life altering. In hopes, for him, that it would spark something in us. Well we never went when we were a couple, but as "friends".
Today, a year after Africa, I hate that I shared the beauty that is Africa with Rob. I didn't go with the person I met back in the early 1990's.
I know people change, Ive changed, but some revert back to what they were and that's how Rob changed again.
Something like Africa, something as wonderful as the experience I had in Africa, is something I wish I had shared with someone who was a true friend, someone who I could trust and love and recount the tales of roughing it through Kenya and Tanzania.
I met some great people in Africa, but going with Rob has spoiled allot of those memories. But at the same time, meeting some of the wonderful people I did, made me realise, there are good people in this world, I just hadn't found then...yet.