The first long weekend of "spring/summer" is upon us. Ive spent the day packing and shuffling through stuff. Tonight I am treating myself to a night out with friends. A night to not think of what has happened, what will happen over the course of the next 2 weeks as I prep to move. Excitement is settling in, Rob free!!! In every single way. The thought of a "new life", a "new start" has me all gitty. Yes I'm not looking forward to my moving day, but once that weekend has come and gone and my routine changes, it will all be worth it. As Ive said, Rob is still, to me, attached to this apt, like a scary ghost, just lingers. The exorcist, of sorts, I am performing comes in the way of moving, not the spirit being frightened or killed off. I have killed the memories of days gone by with Rob, as I'm sure, at least would hope Rob has as well. Could he possibly have anything good to say about his last 15 years? He lies so his history maybe different than mine. The real version and the fictitious version dont compare, you cant. There are very few things I miss, things like cottage rentals up north, and car rides, apart from that Ive managed to do the rest on my own, or with new people. I dont miss traveling with Rob, as he was always such a a stiff in foreign lands. Even in Africa, like the night at the Ngorongoro Crater...That night was hilarious as Hugh, Bev, Catherine and I chatted, laughed and drank til the wee hours of the morning, all alone in the Tanazanian outback. Memories like that are what I keep close to my heart and smile about. The days we spent alone for example on the island of Zanzibar, although beautiful, was a time of Rob using me for his sexual pleasures, and only his. Sure being stuck out in the bush of Eastern Africa, there was nothing remotely sexual until a hot shower was found in the hut on Zanzibar island. My words of romance fell on deaf ears after our initial tryst as well as, upon our return, and this is when I realized Rob was playing the game of being in control, in a physical manner. Its when he wanted, that ended upon our return. The odd sexual tryst ensued when hormones raged, but again, on Robs schedule, not ours or mine. Today, when Im with a man, it is a mutual feeling. Not one sided like Rob lived and treated me. Funny how he was the trash in this friendship, yet I was the one he treated like trash, what a turn around. Thank god I opened my eyes. As Ive mentioned before, the holidays we took now are just my holidays, they were things I did alone. Swimming with dolphins...Rob is erased, photo evidence has been destroyed. Snorkeling through "Xel-ha" rivers is erased as a friendship or couple. There to in The Mayan riviera we frolicked in bed, a night of drunken lust - another mistake ruled by hormones and even in that state of mind, Rob was lame. I think Ill have to do an entry in respects to our vacations, to show or express rather, how lame Rob is even in foreign lands or up north. A few times we did hotel stays for shits and giggles and they were wasted. I can go on forever and I have things to do. But my next entry will be about how much of a waste of time and cash Rob was, on holidays. I am prepping for my move and when part II of my new chapter begins, things will be brighter and have no history...Starting all over again!
x
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