Ashes to Ashes....

So 15 years after I met Rob, and knew somethings had gone on behind my back, I got verbal confirmation, straight from the horses mouth. That day itself was ruined, although I went out that day, Rob's confession was on my mind all day and night, it was probably one of the worst days I ever went through. The hurt I felt was unbearable and unbelievable. I didn't think I could feel that shitty, but for that I have Rob to thank. It was shortly after that, sitting back and thinking, that people like Rob are not meant to share my life. Now, almost a year later those feelings remain the same. I have moved on as Ive mentioned in previous posts. I have to say, allot of people say to me, chalk it up to experience. That I have - not a good one, none the less an experience. People sometimes are amazed that I still feel the hatred, and I do, towards Rob - what else could I possibly feel for him? Love died instantly when I heard Rob say, "yes" to my question of infidelity. Although I had a strong suspicion and minimal proof of his straying way, to hear "yes" from him, was the blow to the head I didn't need or expect to go through. As the first few years passes, I was thrilled at being able to have one guy, all for me, the way I envisioned it. It was all falling into place. Gone was my depression and feelings of loneliness. I found my guy, only to eventually figure out that I probably couldn't have made a worse decision in respects to my "love life". A year later, today, I am a happy person and have been for the last 8 or so months. Things got easier. Life without Rob is much more pleasant. More relaxed, I hardly think of him BUT...I still despise every ounce of one Robert. My freedom is a beautiful thing. The honesty in my life today is what I have been wanting all this time. I still hear the odd thing about Rob here and there. The other day,while with a common friend, I said, "I know Rob is your friend, but you will never hear me say anything good or positive about him, I know hes your friend, but this is how its become" - I don't want my friends to get angry with me for always slagging of his name, hence my not speaking of him. It does happen as it was 15 years of my life. I resent Rob for so many things. I will never forgive and definitely not forget anything that has happened, had happened. This blog is the only time I think of Rob. Things Rob did. I compare today's living with life with Rob. The difference. The change and the mistakes. Life is better now, much, and I think Rob to a certain point is to thank. He helped me realize that he is the scum that he is, that I am worth so much more. Rob isn't worth the piss I let out every morning. A year on and I still wish him every ounce of tragedy that life can bring his way. I hate but I don't dwell, with the exception of this blog. I don't go on about Rob to friends, that time is wasted to me, he is not worthy of my time in any way, shape or form. Selling off his things was almost therapeutic. I remember telling him to come get his passport otherwise it would go down the chute of Regal Rd. He didn't listen. I told him I trashed it, when in fact I hadn't. It sat on my desk for weeks. He asked me in an email, before our final words, "where is my passport" - I told him it was gone. I got back, "That's a govt document, what do I do now?!" - My response, "Go apply for another??", this is how stupid Rob was, is and always will be. Eventually as hatred for him sat at an all time high, I put his passport in the ashtray next to me and I lit it up with my lighter. Watching it slowly burn to ash, the flames reaching his picture and watching it melt and become ash was as well, therapeutic. Suddenly I saw him as an ugly, ugly person in every way. Thinking I kissed those lips that he wrapped around some pathetic slags cock repulsed me. Touching him after I knew he had pulled a funny one on me, behind my back was repulsive to me. He became and still is to this day, the ugliest of people ever to enter my life. There is no redeeming quality about Robert Sanita at all. Ive posted my story in a website, "Liars, Cheats & Bastards" - The world should know of what pathetic faggot creatures roam this land. I love that in Google search, should you look up his name, your first result is his Facebook page, the his Linkd page and the rest are of this blog and the Lying, Cheating site. Its thrilling but he is gone, gone for good. Ashes to Ashes.