Well as it gets closer to my move, I get butterflies and freak outs and then b outs of, "its gonna be fine"...Chatting to my first boyfriend this morning, he asked if i had moved, no is the obvious answer. He cant wait until I am a "downtown boy" again. He said "it will be fun for us, if no one else"...Thats re assuring, we are the same people and we still get on. I told him how the new place has a pool etc..he said we would go swimming etc...I told him how Im self conscious about my body and he came back with, "we are old friends"...true. Thats what I love about him. We are old friends. Almost 20 years later, with a massive break in between and we are still good friends. We only found each other about a year back or so. We did see each other about 10 years back and it was so nice. I think deep down inside my love and affection for Neil has never gone away. Its that first love syndrome. Although I was heartbroken when our summer romance ended, Neil, never, as friends or lovers, hurt me. Rob, from early on hurt me and lied to me. There is no love lost there. Someone asked if we have spoken or seen each other, I said, never in a million years will I want to. The things he pulled on me, the way he hurt me is like nothing before. I dont want to be associated with anyone like him, people who lie and deceive and think they will come out smelling like roses. They are not for me, in anyway! Neil is a breath of fresh air. Whenever Ive thought of him over the years, its has never been with any negativity. He has a smile that I love. His sense of humor is twisted like mine. I told him today that I cant wait until he is in my life again. I really cant. Ive missed him over the years and always had feelings for him, deep down, I know it, I dont deny it. But I know we are best as friends I know I could rely on him. It will be so nice to have real people in my life again. More real people. Neil has made my day today. Having someone like him around is so pleasant and refreshing. Neil is more my kind of person, in many ways. Im trying to get those kinds of people back in my life. We were reminiscing of days gone by and its kinda flattering when others remember certain details. Like how we met, where we met etc. Rob would remember things we DIDNT do together, I think he would mix me and others up, cuz clearly he had a memory like a sieve. As freaked as I get, Im glad to know that there will be people around. Trustworthy people. Bring on change and forget the past!
x
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