Well Im starting to go through closets, drawers etc, trying to purge things I dont want to haul around with me, especially since I wont have any need for them, so this is a good thing. The best part of clearing out shit, is finding more Rob related stuff. Not necessarily things he left behind as there will be a few things here and there...in clearing all this out, ive found more cards and such, notes etc...My best find was old diaries. I have always kept, to this day, some form of a journal. So taking a break here and there, I perused through my old diaries, dating back 20 years ago or so. My first meeting with Rob etc..problems and such. So I determined that we started dating Aug 13 93. I found journals from then...I found journals from the following year or 2 - Already, in those journals there are hints of problems between us. I found an entry which mentioned his grand dads passing, that was Feb 04 I believe...I remember it was shortly after that, that Rob wanted to break up, the reason at that time was, that I wore make up, thats what he said to me at least. That was short lived. Journals from 97, 4 years in, talked about how I couldnt trust him, how he was good but not for me...This was obviously before I knew that Rob was no good for anyone or himself for that matter. So clearly this relationship has always had problems. Problems generally caused by Rob's wandering eye and straying ways. Im able to laugh at my ramblings but part of me gets so angry, thinking what an idiot i was and what a whore Rob was, he never changed, never! Cards reading, "you are my soul mate, you are my life and my life is nothing without you"...made me cackle as Rob hasnt the first clue what love is, what commitment was. He still doesnt because he played the same games from the early 90's through til last year. Thats 16 years of head game, of lying, of cheating of not being real with me, of all people. I dont ever think that I would want to see Rob ever again. Re reading my past, Im definitely sure that I never want to see his disgusting face ever again.
While I chat and get to know some people on line. There is one guy who seems very sexy, but is a self professed whore. I will not and cannot bring myself to meet up with him for a drink, knowing how i am, that is best, cause at times I cant control my mouth. The one difference between this guy and Rob(they are both promiscuous sluts)is that, the guy in chat admits to it. Rob tried to hide it from me. Professing he has no clue how to be mean, how to hurt? He was dead wrong and lucky that an idiot like me stuck around as long as I did. Rob deserves all the loneliness that being a whore has to offer, the sadness of a life he has carved out for himself, impeding diseased creatures like him spawn. Ive said it a million times before that he is a disgusting creature and reading my past yesterday confirmed that Rob was always a whore and always will be...Im glad he has been erased from mu life...Sad Sad & Alone he will always be...
x
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