Happy & Alone, The Way I Want It...

While sifting through old email files, I found a copy of the letter I send Rob - So it turns out, I sent my "letter of closure" on July 15th 2009, having last spoken to Rob July 18th 2009. It was a year ago this time, give or take a day, that the below entries took place. In re reading that letter that I found after a long time, I am a bit miffed, I should have been more blatantly honest, that I wasn't, but I would mention, "doing things behind my back" - I should have just wrote, "cheated and lied to me". I did say that was the reason we are no longer in each others lives, lying, not even the cheating. I get angry sorta, when re reading that letter. I was too nice. I blame myself for some things, in fact I did nothing and there was no need for me to write those words. That is the past I guess. Almost a year on, I know I am such a better person for taking the action I did, this time, last year. I realized I am a good person and the good times Ive had since we split, with the exception of the first couple of weeks after, have been good. I'm not to sure if I learned anything from my experience with Rob. As I said in his letter, that I should be less trusting and that I am. I remember thinking, there was no way I would ever be with anyone else, in any fashion. Well In November of last year, on a night out I met this guy. He treated me well, liked me, liked Franco. Something I hadn't felt in a long time, even with Rob around. With Rob I felt like a good friend, all the while, Rob being the worst friend anyone could ever ask for. Everything you don't want in a friend, is what Rob is. This guy I met November past, showed me what I was and am worth. Sharing my first passionate night with someone like that was such a release of enjoyment, in every way. Being wined and dined as I was, led me to understand, I am worth a nice time, a good time a wild romantic time. Though nothing came from that night, except friendship, it was an eye opener of an evening. Having woken up in the arms of a real man, in every sense of the word, was a hurdle I was afraid to jump over. That was one of the final steps in getting over Rob, being with another man. Being able to kiss and touch another man passionately like that, seemed new to me, almost virginal, all over again. It was nice to finally, after all the years of sticking with Rob and no romance, to feel wanted and attractive. Good for me in realizing I am "wanted" by others, others find me attractive. I felt like shit with Rob. I felt pathetic and useless. That cloud is gone and has been for a while. I am intelligent, witty and fun, this I know. Never am I one to say that I am attractive or sexy, but I am to some people, this I realized once Rob was gone. Rob never made me feel that way. My new life is how it should have been for years before I woke up and realized what I ride I was taken on. Ive said many times after I kicked Rob out, that time was my worst enemy, it was then. Today, there isn't enough time.Like I said in an earlier post, Rob is still living as a sad fag with mum. I on the other had have met new people, found a new place to live and am 2 weeks shy of deleting Regal Rd from my life. The memories here linger like a ghost and I'm done with it. It will be nice to live in a Rob free environment. I've sold off most of the things he left behind and bought for me as I have no need. Sure I kept the odd thing here and there. One thing I will continue to keep is the odd Xmas or Bday card he gave admitting to the rough times he put me through as a reminder of what he did to me and not the other way around. These will stay hidden in the closet and who knows, maybe Ill send these to him?? Nah thats too childish. Rob has never admitted what he has done, not even to himself. He is a sad rag and hope his life is full of misery and tragedy as I carry on up the ladder of life, happy and alone, the way I want it.
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