Things Were About To Change...

A beautiful Monday spring morning - nice, sun is shining and again I awoke at some ungodly hour. Its not all that bad, I managed to bump into my friend abroad, it was nice to catch up. In chatting with him, I remember when we first "met" on line. It was meeting him that made me realize there are other cool people out there, queer and real. Unlike Rob. My friend and I met in the spring of 2006. Rob and I were sinking fast and I didnt know what I was going to do with my life, my relationship. In getting to know my friend in 06, talking about things I hadnt spoken about in confidence with no one, made me realize, my life was going wrong, it was at a total standstill. This friend of mine, is beautiful, sexy and a rebel. A bad boy with a heart, one of my weakness'. I remember chatting to my friend on the eve before Rob and I went on our annual cottage outing. I did not want to go. I cried the night before, which meant I woke up with the most swollen, puffy eyes. I told Rob I got soap in my eyes when I showered, little did he know I did not want to be in the car, heading up north, away from communication from the rest of the world as well as my new friend who I was quickly "bonding" with. I think being vulnerable at that time, made me have "cyber" feeling towards my friend. These feelings grew into a good friendship in the end, which to this day flourishes. Funny how it took a complete stranger, at the time, to make me realize that my life with Rob was wrong, what I wanted isnt how I was living. I tried to keep in touch with the "outside" world by sneaking to the loo to communicate with others on my mobile. On the way home, after a long dull week, I remember thinking how glad I was to get back in touch with others who knew what I was going through. I certainly couldnt talk to Rob about the situation, we were living it, was there anything to discuss? A few weeks after we got back, I had feelings of escape, running away. Now Rob and I were planning to go to Italy later on that year. I remember sitting at my desk, knowing fully well, I did not want to go another holiday with him, I couldnt torture myself that way. Enough was enough. Rob was always good at brushing problems under the carpet. I remember Rob coming home with a book on Rome. I knew already, it wasnt going to happen. I called friends over, expressing my desire, my need to get away, and possibly never come back. I did everything I could to get my European citizenship, in case I didnt want to return. I finally told Rob. Our plans were on hold - our life was on hold. I said I was taking off to London and for at least a months time. At that time I had a chat with Rob...I has expressed to him the fact that I was taking off to clear my head, to be away from everyone, to be alone. That the problems we were going through had to be dealt with before I left. That upon my return, I wanted things to start new. No drama, no bull. Considering I was going to the UK, I took the opportunity to meet up with friends. Rhiannon, Dean and one or 2 others. If only not to be completely alone while away. Rob and I never discussed our problems. Through email Rob was "talkative"...in person, quiet. Would come home, have dinner and float away into our own worlds. Friends of ours even tried an "intervention" of sorts at a dinner at their place. I recall looking at my watch, it was gone midnight...no one said anything in regards to the real reason we were there...I blabbed away shortly after that. I remember raising my voice towards Rob, but the details are all blurred out. I got plastered to the point where I actually fell from the steps on their porch, banging both the back of my head and my chest. The next morning was all a fog, with the exception of remembering yelling and mentioning the names of one of the guys I was aware of, that Rob met after leaving my apt in days gone by. I remember getting in touch with my UK buddies, ensuring some sort of company while I was there. Leaving was the scariest thing Ive ever done. Saying good bye wasnt the hard part or the scary part. Once the plane door closed, it was me against the world. I recall a co worker said to me shortly before I left, "Franco, once you leave, its is you, only you, no one knows you.", that was kinda freaky but exciting at the same time. I remember going to the airport and leaving Rob and my other friend behind. Once I passed the security gate, it was on. A month of just Franco had just begun. This was the beginning. This was time for change and self enlightenment and my time alone. I hadnt been alone in about 12 years. I was always with Rob, living a lie, living a life of being lied to. I did leave though, with no resolution to any of our problems....Things were about to change...
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