My Bad Habit's Been Cured!

Well watching an interview the other day with a well known queer celebrity, he was quoted as saying. "if you can laugh at yourself, you're winning half the battle" - this was in regards to queer living. I have to say the last few weeks have been a fun ride, not necessarily with going out or meeting people etc...but just a positive attitude, a good attitude. Its a nice feeling to feel happy and content...after years of the complete opposite. One thing I have no issue with is people laughing with me or at me. Really I could care less...If I gave a shit at what people thought about me, Id side comb my hair, grow in my eyebrows and blend in with normal society, not going to happen. One thing Rob never like was, me or anyone for that matter, drawing any attn in our or his direction. That is something that has never bothered me and don't think ever will. Ive gotten more ballsy as the months have passed, glaring at people who are taken by my look, my brows, my accessories, whatever it may be. I must say, Ive said to a few people, "I'm surprised I haven't gotten my face punched in" but think that has to do with my "bad ass attitude" that I give off. I mean its not even intentional ha ha. While cruising along the street, in any country for that matter, Rob always hated if anyone looked in our direction for whatever reason. I'm glad to say that with him gone, I have all the attn to myself. I don't do anything to purposely have people look at me, I just make myself up the way I feel I look better. I think Robs insecurities and low self esteem, at the time, while we were together, brought on this "fear" of having people look at us, or me for that matter. I remember Rob, years ago, about a year and half or so into our relationship, breaking up with me, for wearing make up, which I used to wear allot more of, in my younger years. When he met me, it was in a nightclub, and me, fully made up..and probably drunk ha ha. Thinking back to those day, I remember the countless weekends we would go out, before we got together as a couple, how Rob would play games with me, even before we became to gruesome twosome. Taking off on him, screaming at him and making it known that even then, he was messing with my head. Those days are gone. Those days are erased as Ive mentioned. I am again happy with myself,. Happy with my life as is. I wouldn't change a single thing today. Freedom of a new sort is how I'm living my life these days. I mentioned how when I first kicked him out how time was my enemy, now there isn't enough....how things have changed. Its funny after I wrote that last statement, I realised, my folks kicked me out of the house at 18/19 for being a "wild child", that my parents couldn't handle...funny how I repeated my parents actions against Rob. I threw him out, for being something I didn't want in my home, in my life. I think for a while when my parents locked me out, they had a bit of a break...after kicking Rob out, I, in time, realised that I too had rid myself of a horrible "cancer" in my life. After the healing took place, ran its course, life was brighter. It was almost like being a heroin/crack addict. Living without Rob was horrendous at first until I realised, thru his words, that it was all wrong, what I was living was wrong. Just like an addict, once the chemical is out of your system, its a matter of time to heal. That's how I dealt with it and today the skies are blue, the sun shines bright and I see the world with clear eyes. A new life which I am enjoying - Finally, without Rob!
My bad habit's been cured!
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