My Friend, I Truely Love

The other night I went to see a show with some co workers. It started off with dinner and some drinks before heading out to the theatre. The show itself I could have done without...The night though was fun. While en route to the restaurant, chatting to a co worker I hardly deal with on a social level, she made some reference to happiness. I said to her "I'm completely happy", she was puzzled. Now this co worker has no idea of the last few years of my life, any of my life really. Anyways, she was surprised at my "happiness". Ive said it time and time again on this blog, that the last few months have been pretty much, pure bliss. I don't really have many/any troubles in my life these days which is great. I have my friends and meet more along the way. There is my one friend who I spoke about in an entry a few weeks back. We had had an intense conversation one morning. He(my friend), bumped into me in the early hours of the morning as I sipped my morning java. The conversation started with a "good morning/good evening" as we are currently in opposite hemispheres. Regardless we caught up on what was new etc. My friend went on to tell me how he "missed me loads" - which always puts a smile on my face. My friend is probably one of the sexiest men Ive ever met, so to know he misses me, makes me all warm inside :) - He told me his next adventure would be to my side of the planet, the great white north. He went on to tell me of his attraction to me, from day one that we met, which sorta took me back, but that attraction was on my part even before we met, face to face. I went on to tell him, that he could crash at my place, no need to look for accommodations and that my sofa was more than comfortable enough. He shot back, "Fuck that, I want to share your bed, lay next to you"...I was a bit shocked but then my mind wanders. My friend, in chat alone, makes me feel something I haven't felt in years, something Rob lost in me years ago. Hearing or knowing someone wants to spend that time with me, someone like my friend, is so odd to me,but so welcomed. He(my friend) goes on to tell me how has thought of me over the years, how he wished when we met that more had happened, and that I found strange yet erotic. My friend didn't want me to leave when we actually met and trust me when I say I was a hair away from staying. Being responsible, I didn't and we have kept in touch, in many ways through out the years. He tells me he loves me and I'm the best friend hes had, how its been 4-5 years that we have stayed in touch and how i mean the world to him. Rob would utter those words as well, but knowing long ago how Rob betrayed me and hurt me, meant his words were empty, they meant nothing. The words my friend speaks to me, writes to me, mean much more. His words are genuine. Its not the first time my friend has told me this. Now I'm not gearing towards a relationship, that's not what this is about. Sure there is an immense physical attraction between the two of us but I can't commit to anyone now, not even my friend who is probably the sexiest man Ive ever met in 39 years on this earth. The thought of waking up next to my friend though is one that puts a smile on my face, puts a spring in my step and a start to a good day. I met this friend while I was with Rob, but things were dead between us and nothing happened while Rob and I were together. I may be over to see my friend before he makes his way here to Canada and that's something I would put some effort into as he is incredible in so many ways. He is so much more a man than Rob was again, in so many ways. Though the miles separate us, his "undying love"(his words) for me, makes me happy I am where I am. Although undying love, is an exaggeration on my friend part, I don't think I ever had that with Rob, he never had it for me and Ive lost it for him. Ive washed Rob right out of my hair and give myself an applause for ridding that disease from my existence. My friend is beautiful, sexy and likes me, I wont use love, but yes he likes me allot and that feeling could not be had with Rob, especially that last few years. I was beating a dead horse thinking he would be, could be the man I spent the rest of my days with - not a chance. My friend on the other hand would be someone I could. Going to sleep at night with thoughts of him, make me sleep with a smile on my face. Its all fantasy to an extent, but fantasy I never had with Rob. My friend is the best and I wish I had met him 15+ years ago and not wasting my time as I did with Rob. My friend makes me smile and makes me happy. My friend, I truly love.
x