Sexual Encounters Of The Real Kind

Well the title may sound juicer than what I'm about to write, but who can say, where in the end this will lead...Yes this will open me to utter humiliation, but of a different kind. As I'm writing this now, I wonder..will I actually upload this posting ha ha. Anyways, On a physical, rather, intimate matter, it was an odd "life". Of course like any "fling", the beginning is when its most intense, it always is. The question there in lies...when do things change? I guess for about the first 4-5 years, sex was good to alright. Rob wasnt as "versatile" as I am, that statement brings on a slew of question, but ill spill that thought in another entry. Rob was keen on specifics, more of an oral fixation of sorts...and more so in the beginning. At one point, after a vacation together, Rob and I split, of his doing. Probably a sign? We got back together again, after a brief, very brief, split. Again in the beginning, and I mean the first few days if weeks...It(intimacy) started to slide. It was ok in that moment cuz I was back with the person I wanted to be with, at that time. It took us 5 years to get to more into "intercourse" of sorts. That was fine with me, with diseases out there, and my knowing of Robs very colorful past. There was never any mention of going "all the way" prior, protection or otherwise. When we started having full on sex 5 years in, it was unprotected. Dumb on my part now, as if I was as certain back then, as I was years later about his messing around, that would never have happened. Regardless, it became habit. Rob was strange in the sexual realm, when it came to touching his body. It was difficult to have Rob let go of "himself", it was difficult to touch Rob in certain erogenous zone, making them useless really. I, on the other hand have no issues(yet) with anything sexual Ive tried or "experimented" with. I dont mind being dominant or docile in bed, while being intimate. I rather, go with the flow, I let it happen as it happens. I can be the romantic, passive shag, or the complete opposite. Ive played both with a few of my recent "conquests", I can pick up "roles" :) Rob on the other hand, was set to his minimal ways. Which again, I dont understand? I was the top in my time with Rob, but was open to trying other things. I tried to flip roles with Rob and he almost broke down. I recall talking about having sex outdoors, on one of our summer holidays up north - fell on deaf ears pretty much. He was worried of people seeing/watching...thats part of the thrill out there, along with being out in mother nature - it didnt fly with Rob, I actually have video of this, sad to watch really, back to, pathetic. In the end sex got so bad, that 2 years before we split, we had sex 5 times, the year before we split, sex, not once. Not one single time. At times I would think that he was out cheating on me with phone tricks, how else would anyone explain the massive gaps between sexual trysts? All my friends, not some, ALL, dont understand how, 2 men, always together, NEVER had sex? At some points, I would have those thoughts and that sparked thoughts of, "I dont want his hands on me", "whose cock has he sucked?" and "I dont want to kiss him" and so on...I tried so hard at times, Rob didnt pickup on anything. I was to feel so unattractive, I think to a certain point, let myself go a bit. Being on my own, having to, wanting to look and feel my best, I finally feel somewhat attractive, not hot by any means, not good looking, but Im ok with my looks for the time being. There have been a few men, in the short time Ive been on my own, that have made me feel so desirable, so sexual - theyve sparked something in me. Something I know I missed out on. Rob hadnt made me feel like that, alive, in so long. I was done with that years ago. Being touched and being made to feel attractive and sexual is fantastic and I missed it. Having someone next to me, who wanted to spend that time together, both feeling special and like there is no one else in this world, is something I know I deserve. Although having had been with Rob for the better part of 15 years, he really didnt really make me feel alive. I feel more alive, more sexual and attractive, in the last 6 months than I had felt in the last 10+ years with Rob. Ive had sexual encounters of the real kind -
x