I Gained ALOT

In re-reading some of the postings on here, the one titled, "Rob lost allot" - makes me think of the opposite..Rob lost allot, the question then is, "Did I gain allot, if anything"? -
The answer, I gained ALLOT.
When I was with Rob, as in any relationship you compromise things. Rob has always said, or in the later years possibly, that I compromised nothing. For that I was resentful, still am really. I changed my life allot to accommodate my relationship, though he doesn't understand how? My life before Rob wasn't what my life was when I got with him. After the first few years, our social life became dismal, almost non existent. I remember going to a show with him, in Feb 2009 or so, it was a matinee, I made the joke that, we hadn't been out in daylight, downtown, in a long long time, to which he laughed, as he knew it was true. Regardless, like any habit, you get used to it. Our evening social life was more dismal than our daylight hour adventures. These days, I go out when I want to go out. I would be dragged down, into not going out by Rob, the excuses always seemed valid, now I realize the excuses were dumb, where a waste of my life in this apt. I remember saying to Rob, that my life could not be the inners of 2 Regal Rd, I couldn't let that be. Again these days, I venture out at my leisure. Late nights, out or in, are more fun these days. Rob always had this thing, that things had to be "proper" by his standards regardless of the situation, that became tiresome, quickly, considering he didnt live "proper". One thing, as Ive mentioned before that has changed in my life is the insecure feelings Ive had when I was with Rob. Ive always had reason, from early on in the relationship, to feel threatened, jealous, insecure and betrayed. As always they say, "love is blind" and I can attest to that. After we had officially split, the first time, I took vacations alone. I was asked, "How could you go away without me, not ask me?" - Valid question I will say. Ive told many people that I'm on my own schedule when I go away and didn't want to drag anyone with me...unless they were able to be on their own, or follow my gallivanting around. But what kills me, is that Rob asked that question when I went to London, last May(2009), he made it sound as if his "partner" was going without him, only to find that he had another agenda. His phone bill would prove that, so in retrospect, I don't understand why he would want to come with me? What game was he playing? What game did he think he could play with me? I remember him saying once, that his "partner" would not be traveling without him, he would not tolerate that. I recall thinking of my other "coupled" friends, who had gone on separate holidays, with out the "old ball and chain" - This was shunned upon with Rob. Somehow that wasn't OK, but to have him mess around behind my back was? Was that only until he got caught, then it was a different story? He was a major hypocrite that way. Rob is a spoiled child, he may not see it but he is or was at least while I knew him. Daddy paid for insurance among many other things...a man in his 40's(Rob) had daddy pay?? PATHETIC! Mum and dad spoiled him and for some reason, he thought life would always be easy, that he would always get what he wanted. Not the case. His words of, "I cant imagine life without you" now fall on deaf ears. Those words were used as long as Rob got away with being unfaithful through til 2007 and afterwards when things seemed to be going back to the way they were, us as a couple. He thought he could play the smart ass by telling me "I didn't know we were together", this was during the 2008/2009 period together. Well he seemed to forget the fact that when he wanted my company in a physical way he got it with me, came to me. Was I playing his "trick" when the phone calls to the sex chats went dead? When he didnt manage a "hook up"? Robs always known that that wasnt my style, my kind of lifestyle, yet he used me that way. So the fact that Im no longer someones play thing is refreshing. Im not sure if he wanted me to sit here in this apt to amuse him and then leave when on the hunt for trash? Well he should have known better. Ive never liked his lifestyle before he met me. I remember calling him a "whore" shortly before I kicked him out. His response was "Im not a whore" - my rebuttal, "Yes you are admit it, it makes life easier, denial is the worst thing" - How little I knew what a whore he really was with me. Thoughts of that repulse me as Ive said time and time again. He is a disgusting human being. I cant even believe I was involved with someone like that. How could I be such an idiot?? He was trash back in the day, he still is trash...I dont associate myself with such pathetic creatures. He once said in Italian, he said it a few times, "I disgust you" - Yea you do. When I would make comments, especially near the end, they were all heart felt insults. Insults that came from within me, that I wanted to say for years. Yes you disgust me, in ever imaginable way. The thought of his lips on mine, in weak moments, now disgust me more. How his vile hands touched my body, his fake words in weak moments, horrible. I gained an experience that I never want to relive with anyone ever again. I think he broke my trust to the point where, there is none of that with anyone..That will change in time, I know it will. Life is easier today. Franco's lifestyle is fun, honest living. Freedom to be Franco, 100%. Not a life of misery and lies and hurt. I havent been hurt by anyone as much as Rob hurt me, scarred by such a pathetic human being. Im so over it, so grateful for my life today. Sans Rob, the skies are clear, the future is promising and every day is a good time. No worries of non sense, of head games that were played on me for 10+ years. Im living an honest life now completely. Hate is reserved for the one and only and again, to my dying, last breath. I gained allot!!
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