Ive Got My Power Back!

To say daytime TV is horrid is an understatement....but, while watching one of these chat shows, they were going on about cougars..where this or how this plays a part in this blog or posting, you will see. One of the said "cougars" said she would never marry anyone again. I know I'm freshly single(and loving it) the thought of investing anytime, into any man or anyone for that matter, isn't a thought on my mind. I was asked late last year to be exclusive with a great guy, but I wasn't feeling it, I didn't want to commit to anyone or anything. So I have had opportunity to get back into the relationship saddle, but I'm not feeling it these days. That's not to say it wont happen one day but again, its not a thought in my mind, don't want or need it now. As Ive said, this is my time and only for me. A good time is being had, but it will end there, I'm not committing to anyone but myself. Anyways....one of these cougars said that through her 20's and 30's, she raised her kids, she played the happy housewife etc...she is now doing what she should have been doing back then in her 20's etc. She eventually divorced her husband as things hadn't worked out...sound familiar. Though I had no kids, I did and lived like I thought I should have, having Rob as my partner. The cougar divorced in her late 30's, and my split took place in my late 30's...She said she is now living like she should have. She took care of her responsibilities, as did I, until I realised that Rob wasn't being a responsible partner, in the faithful sense, so the changes were made. Months later I realise that it was my time, time for me...to forget about the last 15 years, to not even give Rob the satisfaction that my life had turned upside down. Sure it was for a few weeks..I was out and about again in August of last year, having had the last conversations in mid July. Again it was the final conversation that I had with Rob that confirmed my suspicions of the years prior, that made me move on. Those first few weeks of despair and loneliness, sitting here with time as my enemy has flipped completely and has been this way for the last 6 months or so. Its funny as it seems much longer than just that...I will say that although I come across with massive confidence, that I don't have, but its good to know that I give that off. I do feel at times I'm not worthy of being with certain people, but then I think the same of them, they aren't worthy of being with me, so it works both ways. The confidence is something I'm working on, and people around me help me with that as well. Ive had the odd 20 something year old interested, but I'm realistic and let them know from the get go that there could never be anything between us, a cougar I am not :) The cougar though on the TV chat show said, "I have my power back" and that sums it up...Ive got my power back, I know I am worthy of having good people in my life, this I discovered a few months back, this is something I no longer need to be told. What will not be happening ever again is what happened for 15 years of my life. My self power and self worth are shining bright and will continue to do so. In turn, I hope Rob realizes what a fuck up he really is, a social outcast and waste of space and cells. This is one thing I know for sure of Rob. Never will I be associated with anyone remotely close to what Rob was. I made that mistake and lived it to wrong - To quote the cougar again -
Ive go my power back! and rid myself of trash that dragged me down for the better part of 10+ years...that was Rob!
x