No "Christmas Past"....

The other day while waltzing to work, as I stood by the road side, waiting for the lights to change...who should zip by me but, Rob! It was a feel good day for me for whatever reason. Im sure he recognized me, or saw me. He couldnt have missed me..ha ha.
Miserable looking is all I can say. The last few days Ive been "off". This is my first "solo" holiday season. So things are different, but I deal. A few people suspect its in reference to the ex. Its so not the case. Its the smartest thing I have done in a while. I can say I sorta missed someones approval on holiday decorations, something so simple, but I lost interest and left it as is. No one to enjoy it...so I let it be. Im learning to enjoy my time with others in my life, so this is new to me, and its exciting at the same time - Next!
Having finally had my first "run in" with Rob, though not as I imagined, I still wanted to hurl my handbag at his car. I didnt get full of rage as it was sorta fast as it happened. Thoughts of pure hatred though coarsed through my veins. Thought of not missing him were confirmed, thoughts of, "did i do the right thing", were confirmed. As i sit in my apt on nights in, I enjoy the fact that no one is around. I dont have to deal with the drama queen antics of Rob. My other friends arent as dramatic which is a pleasant change. As Ive said earlier, I dont have to put up with the ridiculousness that was my life, same time last year. The falsehood of lving the life I lived is over. Im looking forward to getting on with my plans for the holiday season, meeting up with old friends, as annoying as family can be, Im looking forward to that as well. I dont long for the same Christmas' of days gone by, they werent real, they werent what I needed or wanted. Guilt gifts are un neccessay. Being greatful that he got away with things, by masking them with gift giving is over. While throwin up a few Christmas decorations here and there, I found Robs stocking as well as a personalised ornament my mother purchased for Rob...The stocking found its way to the bin, and a hammer found its way through the ornament, as pretty as it was, his name was plastered all over,and finally the hammer had its way with it. It was almost theraputic to slam the hammer through his name. Im glad that sadness doesnt take over, rather, fulfillment that I can do these things, I can carry on with no remorse, no feelings towards him. This holiday season will be differnt, but more of what it should really be like, not the holidays of "Christmas past" -
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