My Christmas Wish...

Well...up early this morning, killing time, I was re reading some of the older posts on this blog, that's how much time Ive had to kill ha ha. Anyways, I re read the entry where I admit to punching Rob in the face at a queer outing. It came back to me, that night. The "why" I did that. I know as well as Rob, if he thinks about it, why I hit him. The same scenario would run throughout our time together. When I hit him we weren't "officially" a couple, its how he made me feel that prompted me to hit him. Fool that I was chased after him to apologize. Regardless, fist met face. In the entry I say how a pang of guilt came over me as I wrote that, but quickly went away. Now that I think about it...The one thing I would love this Christmas, is to relive that moment, again. I would love to wish Rob a Merry Christmas then slam my fist back into his face. Harsh?? Not really, its what he deserves ha ha. The feeling, of feeling like a sack of shit after getting slugged would be, or make this Christmas, the most Merry of them all. If I have to think of him, as I do from time to time, I just despise him. Hearing from real friends who over the years, who never betrayed me in any way, shape or form, makes me happy to think I have those kinds of people in my life. Why didn't I do anything before May 09?? I once confronted Rob when I was living in a rooming house, and put him against the wall, again for similar actions, he never admitted it back then either, with my hands on his throat(this was all pre therapy and before we hooked up) and against the wall, I yelled at him. Scared him to the point where he took off from my apt. I remember I had his keys as I wanted to talk to him about "situations" I had found out about and didn't want him to run as he always did and still does. He stormed out and I followed suit, got in his car and went looking for him. I didn't find him and ended up at a friends place not far from where I lived at the time. You would think reactions like that would sort of put in his head that I'm not into the games he was and always played with me. He was brave, cuz if I had my way back then, and even today, he would not be around to tell the tales. The new me, is about 25lbs lighter, healthier, more social and I think happier than I have been in the last little while. Being asked out for New Years was nice. I made a point of spending last New Years alone for obvious reasons, I didn't wish to spend it with someone like Rob and didn't. I was content being at home, with a "friend"(at the time) rather than someone I knew for 15 years. I'm hoping Rob spends the holidays with his sad clan and has a miserable years end and holiday season. He used to say how the holidays always brought on some tragedy of sorts, Im hoping that is true this year as well...
Tradgey, for Rob, thats my Christmas wish for this year...
x