Desire(ous)

Well having stepped out last week for a night out, I met a guy whose shown interest in me. I find that funny as I don't understand, I never do, what people like about me. My joke to them, is that I look better with dimmed lights, and a bit of liquid courage coarsing through my veins, like in a club ha ha, or that any pic they see of me, is just that a good pic, not that I really look like that. I guess that's part of low self esteem, but regardless I carry on. Its nice to feel desirable. As Ive mentioned before, the last 5, 6 even 7 years of being with Rob, which is pretty much the last half of our time together, he never made me feel this way. Funny how strangers can do the complete opposite in a short period of time. I tell these guys when they ask to get together with me, that I'm not looking for "hook ups" - That's something my ex did not me,and continued to do while we were together, hence, being single...and loving it these days. Chatting with a friend the other day, I mentioned my "no desire" to be with anyone. This is my time. This is time for me to enjoy my own company, the company of others. I don't think of having someone special. The thought is nice, but now its nothing I care to have. Maybe in time, but for now - uh no. Right now I just care to expand my social circle. To get to know people, in order to have the right people in my life. I already have met a few, that I'm glad Ive met. This new guy, the one thing I like about him, is he is a man, something Rob wasn't. I mean he(this new guy)is all man. Not some lanky, wimpy, sexless male, like the one I spent the greater part of my youth with, my lost youth as I refer to it these days.
I'm not gonna lie, meeting new people, going out on my own is always scary, in different ways. Im so suspect of everyone, I feel that everyone has a hidden agenda. I feel this way I think, cuz of things that went on between Rob and I. Thanks to Rob I hate the "queer world". Im slowly coming to realise that all queers are not like Rob. Ive met some sweet guys who want the same things I want, not just bed hopping. I did that in my younger years, been there done that. Alot of queers never outgrow that, Rob being one of those. It's nice to know there is some substance to some men out there. Rob was just about living a fictious life. A glamorous life that he has all wrong. Ive said it before that Im a simple person, happiness doesnt have to consist of what is Robs perception of happy, he confuses happy with trashy and who wants or really needs that? Not this boy.