The Joke Really Was On Rob...

Seems to me that I'm not ready for anything beyond friendship. This is something Rob left with me, insecurity to commit or trust - I have a special friend whom i think the world of but cant let it go past what it currently is. Thoughts of spending all my time with him fill me up with a joyous yet scary feeling. Do I want to invest that time into someone again, at this point in my life? I think back to what happened with Rob, rather, what Rob did to me and really, don't wanna go there again, not for a long time. I'm not saying my special friend would do that..but who can say. The first night we hung out, when he leaned over to kiss me, was magical. Not wanting to leave me until his lips were satisfied, made me sleep with a smile on my face. Feeling his lips on mine was so sensual. Rob left me with feelings that all queers are like him. Though Ive come to realize through new friends, that it isn't necessarily so, when push comes to shove, in respect to letting someone in my life, to that capacity, I freeze. Spending time with this special friend is something I look forward to. Ive told him, how hes the type of guy who, i would drop everything to be with, hang out with. Even going for a coffee, or running a quick errand is an adventure in fun. Flopped on my sofa, watching a comedy program, enjoying a laugh together is a sweet feeling. I remember those with Rob, sure at that point it was as if there was nothing else in the world. Only to find that I was enjoying my time, with the most selfish, promiscuous(unbeknown to me at the time) untrustworthy person I had ever met. Rob played the best game on me and got away with it for too many years. As Ive said, I had enough and got the balls to move on, get rid of him and realize I'm worth so much more. Friends have made me realize this. Men interested in me, have made me realize this. Though I wont let this special friendship go any deeper at this time, I also feel I'm not ready. In my mind I like to think I am, but when those romantic interludes take place, when its that moment where I'm feeling very wanted, I kinda pull back, with someone special. A one night stand is a one night stand. Who remembers the names? Its a mutual thing that we really only want one thing from each other. During my first summer alone, after meeting a few guys here and there, when they didn't call back, or I didn't have the desire to call them back, nothing was lost. I didn't care. With this friend I don't want to lose him from my life. Its just started and weve hit it off on the right foot, and Id like for it to stay that way, until I may feel I want more. Recounting tales of days gone by with Rob is more of a joke these days. Though he is the one who put me through hell with his slutty shenanigans, the joke really was on him!
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