Life Is What It Should Have Been Years Ago..

A week has come and gone already. Been keeping busy with downtown living. Its incredible how my life is so drastically different!! I think I was home on Wednesday only...lol. Out tonight as well as maybe tomorrow night. Was with Jonathon last night. What a difference in people, between Rob and Jonathon. Now Jonathon and I arent "dating" per se, but would look like it to anyone else. We see each other about once twice a week, when his schedule permits. When we get together its so much fun. We drink and laugh together about dumb stuff. Cute dumb stuff. Waking up next to him has been the best part. Hes adorable even when he sleep where as Rob looked like he was in pain laying there. Sexually its night and day which is awesome - Rob was so lame in comparison its ridiculous but ive explained about Rob sexually. Talking to friends today about the 2, I mentioned that, for the fact that Rob cheated is why I threw him out, otherwise why would I give that up? I explained how one year we had had sex 5 times, how the following year nothing. One friend asked why..I told her, he wasnt shaggin with me, he was out getting elsewhere, just not with me. She asked how long did he do that. I said that it was pretty much the entire time, I remember maybe a 2, 3 year window where I had no suspicions of anything going on. Recalling the letter I posted on the wall at Northcliffe, telling him I found out what he was up to, my friend said that was disgusting. Exactly! And the fool I was who put up with it. Robs disgusting past and present filtered its way into my life and I no longer had time, patience and certainly didnt deserve it! Being with Jonathon, to me is so special. I feel attractive and fun to be with. Seeing this "friendship" is different from others, its nice that someone feels attracted to me to share my bed. Not some ridiculous, slutty one night stand. Staying the night, waking up next to him, cuddling with him, and kissing him, hes an awesome kisser and so gets into it. Rob if he is with anyone, must be boring them in many ways, but sexually for sure. Meeting these new people in my life has put such a spin on my living life. Life in fun, life is what it should have been a long time back.
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Grateful For This Experience...

This week started on an interesting route. Both exhausting and fun at the same time. Having a get together with a special friend of mine, which resulted with my friend spending the night. Now this is someone fairly new in my life and an interesting character to say the least. We are in the "getting to know one another" phase of this friendship, testing waters, hanging out or going for drinks. A few romantic interludes have occurred, I will admit. Most, if any sexual trysts I've had, have resulted, unfortunately as one timers...So the fact that its on going is new. Sexually, with having Rob as my sexual partner for about 15 years, thats what I compare to or associate with etc. Can I tell you how stiff Rob looks next to this guy and not in a good way?! I was always more sexual than Rob, wanting to try new things, or the more aggressive one. Rob was boring that way. Rob could only be touched in certain places, wouldnt let you "help" him out but it went on. I described one tryst with this new friend to a gal pal as, pornographic, spilling into the next morning. A sexual energy like Robs pales in comparison and think, that more than likely he is still the same. the term, "being with a man" has taken on a different meaning to me. Passion is revived, passion that died way too long back. Meeting someone with such a different character is nice. Not ones that live by protocol...Rob was always trying to "do the right thing", but it, at times irritated me. Im more one to not go or attend something if I didnt want to, and could care less what people would say. Not the best of attitudes maybe, but thats just me :) This new guy seems that way as well. Its nice to want to get to know someone you want to get to know. Someone who wants to see you, its a great feeling. This morning, could possibly the last time I see this friend, you never know, but he made me experience something I hadnt in such a long time. Feeling attractive and interesting is a new feeling as well. With Rob, I felt unattractive, non sexual and pretty much just an object that shared a living space. With this new friend of mine, I feel attractive, intelligent, witty and sensual. Im taking things slower than ever and again, anything can happen in a good way or bad way, but am grateful for this "different" experience.
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Im Living In True Happiness..

Yesterday I went to the wedding of 2 dear friends of mine. We all knew it would happen and it was great to see the day finally come and them 2 so happy, was also an honor to be invited, so to them I say, thank you.
Looking at the 2 of them, thinking back all the years Ive known them, theyve been together as long as Ive known them. Regardless, they have ups and downs, do separate things, their own lives and their lives together. It's nice to see and nice to know it exists out there, true love and happiness. If I have to think back to my days with Rob, there was so much wrong. Ive said it a million times before on this blog, actually I will continue to always say it, as its how the cookie crumbled. There was no trust and thats the biggest thing for me, and people in my life. I dont like liars and people I cant trust. My newly married friends never had an issue with this. Years back when we were all "dating" our other halves, at the time, we used to be called, "The First Wives Club". Lunch would be a bitch fest about the old "ball and chain". My main deal with Rob was sex and trust. Others would have issues with the other half, working late too often, money woes and so on. Never did the gal pals I lunched with, ever mention turst as an issue. Catching them with numbers, pills in purses, strange messages, emails sent. Rob was the one guilty of these actions. For this reason, well the trust issue, for this reason and only this reason, our time together was a sham as Ive mentioned before. Wishing to be as happy as I saw my friends yesterday, was not possible with Rob. It could never be as the single most important key element wasnt there and hadnt been for too many years. Ive said before how Rob and I were in "habit" form, there no longer was a relationship per se, it was going through the motions and that became tiresome after his antics never let up. The year and a bit I have been alone, has been adventurous, at times, confusing, a time of self discovery, the day to day survival in the big city... making it through everyday - not at all like the last 15 before this. Im a different person, a person I love, a person and a character I enjoy. Relationships, though not in one and no desire, the thought of them terrifies me. My "trysts" sometimes scare me as Ive met some great guys, in many ways, and Im a sucker and can fall fast. Intelligent, different, sexy and sweet and all real men. The different part is probably one of the most attractive traits in a man. Different to Rob was almost taboo. Funny how things turn, the road you end up traveling on.
In ending this entry...Im thrilled for my friends who fully committed to each other yesterday, I wish them a life of happiness and its nice to know, for the time being at least, in my life, Im living in true happiness!
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The 13th Should Have Been A Sign....

I realized last night as I was stepping out for a night out, that it was my old anniversary with that whore, Rob. Figures we got together on a Friday, the 13th of August, back in 93...here we are, same day of the week etc...odd. So I decided what better way to celebrate my freedom from that scum but with a night out with a friend of mine. A fun time was had last night, going to bars I don't generally go to, being introduced to some funny characters that made the night colorful. The end of the night was spent on the road, yakking to people, familiar faces and a good laugh and one too many vodkas and water, but hey I was celebrating :)
Life the last few weeks has been some what, fast living. I need to slow it down if only for my pocketbook but it has been allot of fun. This is the summer of me and I'm living it.
I have a boy im into and he is as well, so slowly we are getting to know each other and that too is a nice feeling. Being as happy as I have been the last few months, makes me wonder what my life would have been like, if a) I had stayed with Rob, and b)if I had dumped him years back when I should have. The latter is what I should have done but fear of the unknown more than likely delayed that. Although living where I do now, I feel away from friends and family, it is an experience in living alone. When I threw Rob out, sure I was then at Regal Rd all alone, but friends were literally around the corner. Here in my neck of the woods these days, Im getting to know people in my area, none I would call friends just yet, but I am slowly getting there, quicker than it happened at Regal Rd. If I had stayed with Rob I would have been living a miserable existence , especially having experienced what I have this summer alone. Friday the 13th, used to be a special day for me, years ago. Today I realize that its a jinx, its bad luck and that should have been a sign almost 20 years back!

Good Time Is Cont'd To Be Had....

The other night, late at night I got a call from Jonathon. Seemed he finally had a kick ass day at work, it was nice to hear him all thrilled after work. I remember with Rob, his miserable rants about work, daily! - I recall summers especially with him were rough. Hours after we got home, Rob would go on about work. Im the type of guy that usually, after Ive clocked out, Ive left work at work. My time is precious to me, too precious to waste mulling about work once Im done for the day. Weekends as Ive mentioned were lame with Rob, living in general was wasted time I realize now. Jonathon, still being new in my life, has brought on feelings that I dont like, and dont want to feel just yet. During our conversation the other night, I finally expressed my feelings towards him. It was ballsy of me to do so, and thank you mr liquid courage. Tomorrow Jonathon and I will be gettin together for a movie night. Some grub, drink and a flick. A relaxed evening with great company which is more that I would say about Rob. I hated every night with him, especially the last few years...no excitement, nothing to look forward to, nothing to fantasize about, no adventures - nothing. If it wasnt for my love of travel, no fun would be had. The only time we had a half decent time together, again especially near the end, was when we were on holiday together. Even then at times he was lame. I remember him getting pissy with me in Africa when I kept on drinkin with fellow travelers into the night, he was a stick in the mud at the best of times, but I was in Africa! I find with Jonathon so far that Im excited again. I want to know him so well, understand him. Finding out how someone functions is a thrill and gives me that funny feeling. I stopped off and bought a few things for him, for our movie night, I like doing that...I miss that feeling of wanting to do something like that. I dont expect much from Jonathon, except good friendship and going from there. We have discussed that if this goes anywhere, it will be at a very slow pace. Im not lookin for a new lover or partner, should it happen, then so be it, I will let the chips fall where they may. I have great friends these days, one in particular who is, or started as my "mentor" and for him Im grateful. Bringing Jonathon into my life is also a blessing that I thank Krishna for. Im going to ride this wave of fun and hope a good time is continued to be had....
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Time Wasted With Rob - My Biggest Regret!!

Well another summer weekend upon us. Spent some time with Jonathon yesterday was nice. A bite to eat and after some "home" drama, we went to his place. He lives in a condo down the road. Was nice to be with someone who has their own place. Unlike Rob, I had to go to mummys place when we went to "his place" - The idiot still lives at home like a kid. Someone again, I forget who, asked how long Rob and I were together and when I told them they were shocked. People dont realise that allot of my younger years were spent with my then partner, from 22 to 38 - thats a long time. I have to say Im proud that I know I was able to dedicate, commit to someone for that long. In dating Jonathon, I find that Im not so concerned about committing full on. Im enjoying hanging out, meeting his pets, goin for a drink or just hanging out at my place. Its nice to get to know someone little by little. Its all new to me and Im enjoying it. I hate the fact that, as much as I despise every ounce of that queer mess, Rob, when I tell tales, he's usually part of them, having done whatever I did with him. My friend Kristie said to me, to start saying, "years ago I..." so Ill have to try and incorporate that into my vocabulary. Jonathan is a colorful character, in many ways. Rob was dull as dishwater, especially that last little while. Jonathon admits to a colorful past and at this age, most people have one..I have grown to accept that, we arent 18 yr old virgins anymore. Jonathon admits to his past and present for that matter, although we arent committed to each other, just dating, he doesnt hide it from me. Rob, while we were committed to each other, didnt admit anything and did everything behind my back. That is the difference that broke trust between us. By having Jonathon be totally open with me, in telling me what his life is like, what he does etc, is refreshing in the sense that, I dont feel like I need to poke around for info. Sure I ask questions as does he...He isnt afraid to tell me like it is..I find Jonathon to be a cute little thing that is growing on me. Im glad we met up and whatever comes of it comes of it. While having a bite to eat, talk in about weight and all that, what we eat and what not, seeing as he is so thin and can scarf anything down and not put on a pound...I said to him, call me in 5 years when youve gained weight, he said, "Better yet, come see me" - which was nice. I will...Rob was so secretive, so secluded, so boring. Jonathon is the complete opposite and a welcomed change..Time wasted with Rob is my biggest regret!

Jonathon, A Breath Of Fresh Air, Rob Is Stale Air....

Wow...the weekend I just experienced was one like never before. Meeting up with Jonathon again, Sunday night and into Monday morning. Was such a romantic and exciting time, erotic to the extreme. Being with someone like him is awesome, brings happiness to another level. He is sweet, sexy and great to snuggle up to, on the sofa, or in my bed. Playing with him is much different than it was with Rob - as they do have a few things in common that way(physically). Theres a freedom with Jonathon, theres a thrill with Jonathon, that was never there with Rob. Im not gonna sit here and say Rob and I didnt have a few fun "escapades" but there were limits in the bedroom, Mainly Robs hang ups...With Jonathon, there is none of that. We spoke ab out dating one another, something that terrifies me as I dont want to relive the bullshit that Rob put me through. A few differences between the 2. Rob would never admit to being a slag, not that Jonathon is, but his past is what it is and theres no jumpin around it. No beating around the bush like Rob would do. At the same time, talking about monogamy...Now Rob in theory may think he was a monogamous lover - NOT!!!! Pretty much from the beginning. This I was telling to Jonathon, and that I was a fool for putting up with it. He went on to tell me that his relationship of 8 years, his first one, ended when his then partner cheated on him. Seems we have that in common. He likes to dedicate himself to the one guy which is nice to hear. I do miss him when he isnt around, where as for Rob, I couldnt wait for him to get lost. I know tonight Ill miss cuddling up with him tonight, snugglin in bed alone tonight will be different. For the first time since dumping Rob's slutty ass out the door, I feel like, this one I want to get to know. Its not just sex between Jonathon and I, we talk, there are decent conversations, tales of the past, both good and bad. Today as we lay in bed and talkin about our pets, he mentioned one of his pets that passed on earlier this year, and he got a tear in his eye...he looked so sweet as he looked at me, telling the tale. Jonathon isnt some wimpy, depressed whore fag, like Rob is - A complete turn around from that actually. I told Jonathon last night how I cant wait to see him again, to which he said the same. Him asking to bring my lips closer to his as we sat on a patio last night was such a sexy thing, a sexy moment. Waking up next to him is awesome. Rob would lay there like a corpse or roll over to ignore me, to sleep more or whatever it was...Jonathon, opens his eyes, kisses me, and lays there with me, makes me feel special. As he left this afternoon, we went to the door to grab his shoes...he sat on the floor putting his shoes on, I joined him on the floor and we sat there like 2 school kids enjoying one anothers company, giggling and what not. Im not in love with anyone at the moment, but am definitely interested in getting to know Jonathon, spending more time with him...This is totally different than when I met Rob, this is more exciting, more sensual and more stimulating. I could potentially not see Jonathon again, and the 2 nights weve spent together so far were more fun that I had with Rob, the last 10 years together. Jonathon is a breath of fresh air, Rob is stale air....
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