They Just Dont Get It??

Well well who did I see on my way into work the other day...hmmm - Rob! He looked as stiff as a board and bored as well at the same time. I'm sure hes living a horrid life, well in my eyes I'm sure it is. I went on to tell my gal pals as I find it funny these days. I was asked how I was, if I was affected by it, is what they meant I'm assuming, I replied with, "I'm fabulous" - They asked where it was etc, where I saw him, of course he was in his car and again he couldn't, not, have seen me, standing on the edge of the road, waiting for him to pass by so I can cross, so yea, he saw me. My friend thought it was in person, to which said, "Oh no, Id drop kick him" which resulted in in a friend saying, "Oh you re not over it" - I told her I am so over it. Its just that I think of what he pulled on me, for so many years, the lies, the cheating, the lack of trust and it makes my blood boil. I don't sit here or anywhere for that matter, thinking about him. He is the furthest thing from my mind. I really wish he was off this earth, that would end these ramblings, but as long as he walks this earth, I will hate him, have 0 respect for him and wish him all the misfortune that can be thrown his way. He is a despicable faggot whose promiscuous and untrustworthy(is that a word) ways led me to wasting so many of my younger years. I have no forgiven him, and I wont, but furthermore, I have not forgotten and never will. I told my friend, I will hate him til my dying day. I'm sure when I decide that I want a steady companion and life carries on as it will, I will still hate him.
In an interview with Boy George, that I was watching on YouTube, He mentioned that although his relationship with Jon Moss ended over 15 years ago he still reflects on those days, writes about those situations etc. It is the same thing. If anyone in their right mind would ever think, that there could possibly be anything between Rob and I ever again, even on an "acquaintance" level, is WRONG, would never happen. Id rather shoot myself than share the same air or space with that filth.
I have more than moved on...Ive met several people, new friends, new social people in my life, new "fun" buddies..Planning trips, outings with friends and even my days/nights in are fine these days. Its unfortunate to a certain degree that my friends haven't been with someone like Rob, it would make them understand more. Most have said that he(Rob) was awful so that they understand, but all the crap for so long and right til the last call, was bullshit and I love telling the story cuz it makes my ex, look like the quasi slutty rent boy he tries to live as....ha ha. I cant wait til his destiny finds him. I love how I slam his name and bash his "halo" like personality that isn't...I hope his life is an embarrassment as it would be to me -
The just don't get it :)
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Im Not All THAT Mad :)

Well another weekend of fun and laughs with friends, catching up and getting out of control. Logging on to facebook this morning, some of my "Acacia Africa" friends were on line. It was nice to catch up, it had been a while. Talking about other holidays we have taken since Africa etc...One friend, a queer one, was asking if there was any "fun" in my life. I responded with "yes" as there has been and will continue to be. My friend went on to say, "glad that things are working out with you and Rob" - ?? I said, "oh no, not with Rob". I was asked how he was, I said that I hadn't spoken to him since last July, that we were through, completely. I got the "why what happened" - Tired of talking about it in depth at least, I told them how Rob wanted his cake and to eat it at the same time, as he had been doing so for the last 10+ years. I got the "sorry to hear, what happened" - again a nutshell version was given, of how Rob was a cheater and liar and not someone to trust. That he's deceitful and a horrid specimen. Told of the adventures I had in London while Rob carried on his own adventures here in my bed, in my apt. My friend went on to tell me that I didn't need that in my life. I told him I knew, this is why I kicked Rob's ass out and rid myself of him.
I told him that the last few months have been all about me, a selfish period and that is how it was going to stay for a long time. He went on to tell me that I will find the man of my dreams. That's not something I want at all...I have, when I want, male companionship when I want or need it, but its just that and goes no further. As I mentioned to the 22 year old I spent time with on my last trip, men are nothing to me and I have not felt anything for any man Ive met over the last few months and Ive met a few. There is the odd one or 2 who would like more with me but I cant bring myself to let anyone, that into my life. This is my life now, my time and no one is involved in it. Its sweet to see people who genuinely want to see me happy - Thing is, I am happy. I never would have thought that I would be again, but I am. Life seemed impossible without Rob after our breakup, its funny that at this point in my life, Ive erased the time we had together. Its good to be me these days. Even loneliness has flow the coop..I have new friends I can have fun with and I have my time to myself when I want it. 2010 as I mentioned was all about me, and it will only get better.
While I was out on Friday with a gal pal, she went on about her ex, in great detail I must add...As we stepped outside for a fag, she said to me, "If I saw him(the ex) now, Id push him in front of that streetcar and then kick him after he went down", I said, "finally someone who understands". That is exactly how I feel...and my friend left her ex 15 years back..and still hates. I still hate Rob and would wish the same on him, as my friend wished for her ex...
You see I'm not all that mad ha ha -
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Good Feelings, Good Times & All By Myself

Well back from a weeks holiday and what an interesting time was had. I tend to compare new adventures I go on, to those I unfortunately experienced with Rob. The last few have been so different. While with Rob, mingling with others was set to a minimum, for whatever reason. His insecurities, embarrassment?? This last holiday, I met some wonderful people. People who were genuinely wanting to hang out with me. Creating quick bonds like that, is what I love about meeting new people. I know that should I venture to their parts of the globe, or vice versa, a door will be open for me, as it will for them as well. Not having to worry about getting out of hand while away was nice, not answering to no one. That whole, "I respond to no one" was in full effect. I met a cute guy who enjoyed my company in many ways as I did his. We hung out a night or two. I was actually vile to him the first time we hung out. I explained that it was the booze talking an past experiences tha made me say certain things. To me, now, men are nothing too important to me, a fun night out maybe, good company while grabbing a drink or working the dance floor. This guy, when we hung out the second time, I realised what a nice guy he really was. There was a big age difference as well as miles between us, otherwise Im sure we could have been good friends. Its nice to meet someone like that, who feels the same in regards to things like sex, relationships, friends. It gives me hope that there can be good people out there. I had him on my mind all day on the day of departure. Having had 0 sleep and been with him til the second I needed to leave, weighed in on those thoughts. But the entire time we hung out was in an odd way, "special" - It was nice to feel someone who wanted to be with me, not wanting leave me, procrastinate to leave me and go his own way. Feeling special like that happens every now and then but a good feeling none the less. Feelings like that, between Rob and I died years ago and there was no way of getting that back. Trust was gone a long time back, but strange how you can feel a bond with someone/some people after a short period of time together. You can sort of suss out the good from the bad. I lived with, and through the bad for too many years, its time to bring on the good. Have faith in people, have faith in men. Its a feeling I missed and enjoying living while away on holiday. With Rob I told him I was habit, there was nothin there, he knows it, I knew it, it was routine. A change from that routine is such a welcomed change. I hope to meet others like I did on my holiday, Im sure I will and for that, I look forward to the year ahead. I said 2010 would be "my year" and so far its started on the right foot. Good feelings, good times and all by myself -
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My Resolution for 2010...

So a week of partying and being busy has me run down, but luckily I am off on holidays day after tomorrow for some real rest, sun, sand and more fun!
This will be the first holiday of the year, and the first one where I wont have to have thoughts of, "whats going on back home" like I did with my last holiday, which was in London, last year.
There were obvious signs of "funny business" during my last holiday which had me going, "hmmmm" - like Rob wondering why the porn channel wasn't working? The washing of the bedsheets "only"....The switching of mobile providers? The changing of mobile providers was due to Rob spending or using over 2000 minutes, not 200 - 2000 minutes. This was on sex chat lines well into the wee hours of the night/morning. These are thoughts I no longer have which is refreshing. Coming home will be nice as I will return to a stable home with no drama to be found out at any time.
The new year so far has been good, 8 days in. Normally by this time last year there was some drama, especially if I was living as I am now.
The other night I met my bus buddy completely by accident on the ride home. I was asked to go for a drink..the spontaneity of if it all was more exciting and I opted to go, we had a few drinks, swapped numbers and looks like we are gonna try to build a friendship. I said we would go down to the village sometime together, being new to the city and all. These little changes are what make life a bit more fun these days. I made some comment over drinks about Rob, I don't think anything too negative, but with negative connotations. I was told, you'll get over. I said, "I'm over it, I'm over him" that's not to say Ive forgiven or forgotten. I don't think I ever will and could care less whether I do or don't for that matter. Still if I find a photo or see anything related to him I cringe in disgust. I can tell stories of years gone by with more ease. Recounting tales of past holidays or events, that I unfortunately experience with Rob have now become,
"When I was in Africa"
"When I went to London"
"When I went to The Mayan"
Rob has been erased from those memories, with pleasure. They were MY experiences only. I was asked the other day by a gal pal, if I had heard from Rob. I think Robis well aware that any contact with me would be his dumbest move and hes pulled a few, but this is one, I can guarantee my life, he will not make. Ive not forgotten, I have not fogiven and I never will. I just think of how horribly he treated me, and this is not to say in a physical or verbal way. With Rob it was his actions that carried on for way too many years. I still believe and know, he is a horrible human being. That puts a smile on my face because he is and Im not. He is the trash I met years ago, still, at his pathetic age of 41. Being 41 and a loser as himself is a sad situation. I am 39, made some changes and am happier today than Ive been in a long time. As always, I wish him drama and a tragic year ahead. I will go away with fun thoughts, fun people and a good attitude. I hope he falls into his annual winter depression and never gets out of it..Im almost worried at how much fun I will now have this year, its a good thing. Ill be chanting that Rob fails miserably at life in general for this year and every year, every day until he is no longer around.
My resolution for 2010...

Are they all the same??

A new year has begun, the Eve was quiet and just what I wanted, so it all ended and started off on the right foot. Today is a day of more of the same, clearing shit, the excess out of my apt. On a break, I went into the chats to see if anything was going on tonight - I get an IM from some guy in Mississauga....42. He had no photo so I asked why, he told be he had to be discreet. So I asked if he was closeted. Nope, he was attached...I ask, "With a man or woman" - Man was the response. I asked for how long, I was told 15 years. I told him how I was in a similar length relationship, and why it ended, cause he constantly cheated on me, that would be Rob. I was so irritated at the fact that I was talking to a "Robert" character, exactly the same. I asked if his partner knew, and was told no. I told him that I couldn't even chat to him cause he was irritating me at his situation. He asked me if I approved or not? I said "are you mad? Ive been where your boyfriend is now and if anything I feel sorry for him" - He thanked me for the lecture and got lost.
The one thing I am proud of, if anything is the fact that I'm NOT like him, or Rob for that matter. The thought of this guy, meeting fuck buddies behind his partners back and hiding it, all the while playing a simpleton is disgusting as was Rob when we were together. Ive always said I'm a horrible queer cuz I don't support many queer causes. Fags want equal rights and all that. I don't see why, they aren't like the rest of the human race. Fags are lust driven, not love/life driven. They're main objective in life is to dip their dicks into as many holes and mouths as possible in one lifetime. This man, as well as Rob are totally like that and deserve to be treated like the crap they are. I'm personally glad I'm single now, and have been for a while now. Its frustrating that most, not all, homos are like that. I don't have an ounce of respect for these creatures. I cant even call them, people, cuz they are not. They are like another species. Theres, man, woman, animals and fags. Religious fanatics call AIDS gods way of punishing queers. You know I don't think that is to far from the truth. I always joke about Jews(remember its a joke), that Hitler forgot to wipe out some of the Jews...well this part isn't a joke...Hitler definitely missed on some of the fags he should have slaughtered - Ive found 2 of them already...
Are they ALL the same???
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